*I wrote this quite some time ago and unfortunately it's still very relevant.* Said to guest: Wow! Quail Eggs? You're gonna have to give me a minute to track those down for you. Said in my head: You want me to help you find a specialty store that sales quail eggs? Are you out your fucking mind? You think this is how I wanna spend my day? Fuck you and your quail eggs nukka! Regular eggs aint good enough for you? Get the fuck on with that bullshit!!! _____________________________________________________________________ Said to guest: Well the box office is all sold out so that pretty much only leaves us the option of independent ticket brokers. And as you know they usually charge double or sometimes even triple the face value. I can check with them to see whats available and give you a call back. Said in my head: 5 Wicked Tickets for today?!?!?! LOL. Yeah right! Tough luck nigga! THAT shit aint gon happen. You need to start making alternate plans now. Why dont you go ice skating or some shit? Even if I could find some tickets they'd probably be double or triple the face value. But your dumb ass would pay for them anyways, ...

Dear Mr. Pedott, Over the years I've enjoyed the commercials for your products. Who can forget that happy little old white lady clapping her lights off and turning to get a good night's sleep in one smooth rhythmic motion? And the "Chia Pet" jingle has always been a favorite of mine : "Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia!". I love that shit man!!!!!! With that said though, I must tell you that I am gravely disturbed by your latest Chia "pet". An Obama Chia Pet? Is THAT what's hot up in these streets right now? So you say it came to you in a dream, eh? Funny thing about dreams : Sometimes they can make no fucking sense!!!!! You know I once dreamed that I decapitated 3 people with a machete for no good reason? You know what else? I DID NOT FUCKING FOLLOW THROUGHWITH IT!!!! At no time did it occur to you that this was possibly in bad taste and just would not be a good look? You ran it by some key staffers and despite their reservations you decided to press on? Now listen Joey.....in my heart of hearts I think you are just a businessman who saw an opportunity to capitalize on this Obama Mania ...

I swear....watching the news and staying informed of what's going in the world just doesn't seem like it's worth it at times. I just don't understand people and their motives and train of thought. Here are 3 recent news stories that have me scratching my head. Be sure to click the links yall...... 1. Trevor Wikre is a senior offensive lineman for the Mesa State Mavericks, a Division II school in Grand Junction, Colo. A couple of weeks ago while practicing with the team Trevor broke his pinkie finger. The doctors said that it's a bad break and that he'll need surgery and wont be able to play the rest of year. You know what Trevor says to the doctors? Huh? Huh, do ya? He tells them to CUT HIS FINGER OFF! Really Trevor? You're a senior, which means this SHOULD be your last year, but then again it wouldnt surprise me if it isnt with you making DUMB ASS decisions like this. So you would rather go the rest of your life with 9 fingers than to miss 6 weeks of football? And as far as I know there has been no mention of you going to the league!??!?!!?!? Word? Is ...