Mar 20, 2009
Can Men And Women Be (Just) Friends??!?
Categories: Uncategorized
By teej
The debate on whether men and women can be platonic friends seems to be eternal. At the risk of this possibly being the last blog I ever write becuz the lench mob has gotten a hold of me…. I am gonna step out on a limb and tell you the somewhat complete and honest truth about this matter.
Ladies are you sure you’re ready? REALLY REALLY sure? Okay here goes….
Can men and women be just friends? The answer is a resounding yes!
But know that that ‘yes‘ comes with one condition. What is this condition you may ask? The condition is this : Men and Women can be just friends, but women must keep in mind that given the right circumstances the man would almost ALWAYS let it go down.
(Please take note that this is ALL my factual opinion, interpretation, and point of view on the situation. Also notice that I use words like’rarely’, ‘almost’, ‘pretty much’, and ‘probably’. Real non-committal type words, ya dig?)
What are these circumstances you may ask? First, let me go back and preface this whole blog by saying that all that I’ve said thus far and all that I will say is with the presumption that both partiesare single and unattached. Get it? Got it? Good.
Now where was I? Oh yeah…..the “circumstances”. Now the circumstances vary from man to man. Some men could be okay with a drunken conquest after a night of kicking it. Some men might wait til she cries on his shoulder after she breaks up with a dude. Like I said….it varies. But the point is clear. The man is pretty much assured of always letting it go down if it got that far. The man is almost NEVER the one to say “Hold up. We shouldn’t be doing this!” That just doesn’t happen!
Now by no means am I saying that we are swarming like vultures and biding our time til the perfect opportunity arises for us to strike. Please don’t misconstrue the point that I’m trying to convey. We are not trying to knock down every one of our female friends.
It’s just that sometimes you find yourself in a situation that you only kinda imagined in your head like 6000 times but hadnt planned on ever really happening and then the conqueror in us comes out. But maybe I’ve said too much already.
Ladies just know that we can be friends with nothing ever ever happening. But ladies…also know that at the very very least we may have already played the scenario out in our heads before the formal introduction between was completed.
I’msorry if ths blog has let any of you down. We’re men. We think of sex, much like you gals think of shoes, like every 3.4 seconds. Thats just how it is.
Inspiration : The battleof the sexes, having this particular conversation more times thanI care to count, and the hope that one sweet day the menfolk and the womenfolk will understand each other.
March 20th, 2009 at 9:03 am
Teej, you need to take a look at a posting I did, on the same subject matter on January 27th… You’ll only going off general, casual meeting a person… it goes way beyond that… and with my thoughts and opinions could even tie in… you be the judge…
http://inchicity.com/livingsingle/2009/01/27/can-men-and-women-be-friends-after-the-calm-of-the-storm/
March 20th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
I agree Teammate! 100% on point.
March 20th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
Man you are speaking the truth… i tell my female friends that i can promise not to try to hit it, but I can’t promise not to hit it if you push us there… I mean does it really make sense that now that I know your personality your body doesn’t look as banging? Of course not… but I am not an animal, I can control myself, unless you want to start playing around and walking around half nekkid and rubbing up on me when you are drunk… at that point I can’t be held responsible…
March 20th, 2009 at 1:16 pm
I knew the answer before I even opened the blog lol. I think its much easier to be friends after the do has been done, at least for guys. I have found that when guys have told me “I’m cool with just being friends” they really meant…”I’m ok with hangin out with you so I can have more opportunities to get in your pants but if it never happens I’m cool with that too.”
I have always been ok with being a guy’s friend. I also, as the woman, allowed men to “guide” the relationship. And of course you know where we landed lol. Of course if you’re friends you will get to know them and see the good they have to offer, and that creates another level of attraction (even if there was none to begin with). It opens the door for a more intimate relationship and not necessarily sex. Men know this, that’s why they “are cool with being friends.”
Its sad to admit but about 80% of my male friends I have slept with. It took a while to learn that lesson. It can sometimes hurt when I get into a new relationship.
March 20th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
I agree with you, I have some VERYYYY good male friends that I have had for years, love them to pieces, trust them, respect them in their relationships etc….. but I do also know that if I ever wanted to, it could go down… EXCEPTTTTTTT the few that are in HAPPPPY relationships of their own… while I do think that men have a one track mind… I do know some men whom hold respect to a higher standard and would think less of me if I ever approached them in that manner, would be one of the reasons that I hold them to a higher standard as well, now if their relationship goes sour, lol, all bets are off…. If I came at them that way.
GREAT BLOG MY FRIEND!! very true, very real… ya’ll are all “d*** in a glass if we so permit…HAHA!! Damn I miss these Teej…
March 20th, 2009 at 1:29 pm
I cannot stop laughing when I read that! That is soooo true that I was shocked that a man would even admit. I have a guy friend who for years I considered him my party buddy, my pal, my safe guy friend who I KNEW would NEVER “try” anything….Oh boy, how wrong I was. Recently, he admitted to me, after almost 5 years!…. would I mind if he and I made out! My heart hit the floor b/c everything I thought was shredded to pieces. Never would I imagine him saying something like this. The worst part is, he remembers EVERY little thing that I’ve said or done that was usually very innocent as a come on to him, I mean things that were very trivial. I always wondered how come every time I asked him to come over and hang out why how would bring a backpack with a change of clothes (haha). For almost 5 years, he’s been “planning” just in case.
March 20th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
Great blog Teej…
I do totally agree that there are platonic relationship between the sexes.
However, I also know that as a woman there are certain male friends I will get it on with if the right opportunity arises. So it’s just not men who feel this way. I will say that women (I) have played the senario when I found myself becoming emotionally attached to a friend. So I think the difference is that woman usually tend to add emotion into the equation whereas men usually see the act separated from everything else.
Again… great blog!!!
Have a great weekend!
March 20th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
Can I just say, well done! I remember fighting with my ex all the time over this and then calling you like, Um…is it true?? LOL
The fact is, its cool! We’re adults and in complete control of our actions. If something happens between friends….don’t blame it on the alcohol Jamie ..blame it on the fact that you both wanted it and was waiting on the ‘circumstances.’
Much love
D
March 20th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
I totally agree…and sometimes the reverse is true…if you catch my drift…
March 20th, 2009 at 1:55 pm
I did a video on this..
I think women and men can definitely be friends but the friendships never start off pure. it always is one party has an interest in the other but the other isn’t interested so the person settles for friendship hoping they have a weak moment and give in.
either that or they’ve already explored the dating/sex option, realized it doesn’t work and they remained cool after that.
March 20th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
Couldn’t have been said better…..so y’all imagined it like 6000 times…LOL
March 20th, 2009 at 2:09 pm
Teej, I totally agree with you on this! 100%. Men and woman can definitely be friends without ever taking the friendship to the “other” level. I have several male friends, great male friends that I’ve never tested the waters with… not saying they don’t want to or haven’t thought about it.. cuz I know they have, I know they’d take it if I threw it their way lol. But anywhoo, I’ve made a point not to go there with my male friends… they’re like brothers… and I like the friendships just the way they are.
March 20th, 2009 at 9:47 pm
Everything everyone is saying is great, of course a Man and a Woman can be friends. Just like you cool with the guy on your job, or the woman who’s involved in the afterschool program where you teach at. But what happens when the two of you decide to date one another, and dating each other just doesn’t work out.
That’s THE REAL QUESTION! Can this platonic friendship remain after you all have dated. Is anyone feeling me???
March 22nd, 2009 at 6:48 pm
Women think about sex every 3.4 seconds too, right? (lol)
And yes, women and men can be ‘just’ friends. I think.
It’s never happened for me. But I’m certain than many can do it. My male friends are either exes or they are gay.
Hmmmm….*looks up to the ceiling…thinking.* I’d never really thought about it until now. Interesting!
March 29th, 2009 at 12:43 am
Okay loflllll at all the sratch outs and strike throughs ha ha ha….and I am certain you just broke a few man codes with this blog. But I too agree that men and women can be just friends. Yeah, maybe you’re right about certain circumstances leading to more but trust me a woman knows which male friends are checking for her and if it does go down, she wanted it to all along ;o)
May 19th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
Great blog! Consider it bookmarked
July 29th, 2009 at 11:26 pm
Call me naive, but I sincerely believe that men and women can be friends without there being that underlying sexual interest. I have had several close male friends that I honestly don’t think were even mildly interested in me or would cross that line if they could. Yet, at the same time, I agree with a lot of things that you said. It’s weird. Maybe I just think I’m the exception, and I don’t consider myself hideous or anything like that, but I just always felt nothing but platonic friendship from my male friends.