So Who Chooses Who?
Categories: Uncategorized
By teej
Ina recent conversation with a friend (LTO DO YOU SEE YOUR NAME HERE?!?!?!? LOL) we got on the subject of relationships and the such. I told her that I think when comes to LTR’s and Marriage that ultimately the man doesnt choose the woman. The woman chooses the man. And while LTO stopped short of calling mecrazy, if I recall correctly she didnt completely agree with me, So lemme expound a bit on why I think that the woman chooses the man and not the other way around.
If men are supposedly the pursuers I think it’s safe to assume that most women are accustomed to being pursued, right? It’s up to her to decide which of her pursuers she thinks makes the best mate for her, no?
Save for the case of say….some sorta known wealthy or famous guy who must decide if all the women are paying him attention strictly for his dough, I think it’s almost always the woman that chooses the man.
I do admit that I drift back and forth with “old fashioned” and “traditional” values and so on. And said “old fashion”/”traditional” values would say that the man chooses his wife but I dont buy it. It occurs to me that said “old fashion”/”traditional” values leans a bit toward outright sexism, but I digress. Needless to say Im not “old fashioned” when it comes to this particular matter.
Anyone feeling me on this?
What say you?
Inspiration : LTO and her always lovely convo, the eternal battle of the sexes, and having my own damn opinion about shit!
February 27th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
HOOOOORAY !
February 27th, 2009 at 4:39 pm
This would insinuate that women rarely get rejected. Ladies don’t always have the final, ultimate say. And while most of us are smart enough not to set ourselves up for it, it might-could happen!
For instance… I have been trying for a year to holla at Ali Shaheed Muhammad (who is prolly married).
February 27th, 2009 at 4:44 pm
Women have the power….until they give it up.
February 27th, 2009 at 4:52 pm
Well, to a certain degree I do believe a woman chooses the man but in this day and age men are pursued just as much as women and with that, a man chooses which pursuer he will entertain.
I have heard that a man knows fairly early in the ‘game’ if the woman he’s entertaining is who he wants to spend his life with, while on the other end of the spectrum a woman usually wants to know as many details about her potential mate before she makes that decision. That being said, the man has already chosen the woman and he is waiting for her to come around. However, this can also go both ways, I know women who have waited years for their long term boyfriends to propose, sometimes with no success. Even in these situations, I believe the man has still made the decision for that relationship; he’s basically saying, ‘I choose to be with you in a long term relationship, just not through matrimony for whatever reason.’
Teej, basically, it can boil down perception of a relationship from each side.
Great topic this week though…
February 28th, 2009 at 12:09 am
Hmmm, i’m torn on this one. The bible says he who finds a wife finds a good thing….but like you said, its not just up to him. Very interesting topic.
February 28th, 2009 at 4:50 am
I think men have to be careful of a woman’s reason for choosing him in todays day and age - especially where it concerns desperation and need. Many women are no longer looking for the right person or the right fit but just a person and a fit because they simply dont want to be alone. So, if the woman is the one doing the choosing the man had better be up on his game and look at the heart and not just the face, butt, hips and thighs. Otherwise he will be in for a doosie :).
February 28th, 2009 at 9:48 am
There are 2 sides to everything in lfe, but since the key word is ULTIMATELY, I agree with TJ. However, IMO, the man chooses the woman because men traditionally approach women, and a woman can not wed unless she is chosen.
note: I totally agree with Tonoa’s post above and will add that some guys are the same way.
February 28th, 2009 at 3:22 pm
I think the female chooses the male. Depending on what she’s looking for, for example, intelligence, physical strength, witt, etc., because those are the characteristics or genes she’s looking to pass on to her offspring. I agree with what someone said previously, that a woman looks for the details to tell her if he is the proper specimen to sire her children who will carry on her genes… I guess I see it all as more nature’s natural selection, although at times, some situations you see women get themselves into and you wonder… What was she thinking?!
March 2nd, 2009 at 10:24 am
I was always told, “a man knows when he sees his wife” etc….
Regarding the argument, I think that both sides are true. A man picks the woman and then she decides if she wants him.
March 8th, 2009 at 6:34 pm
This is very good too!!! When you see most relationships in present times, I don’t believe that Women have the upper power of choosing.
Why I say this is because, if that was the case that a Woman was able to choose her mate that had all the attributes that she wanted in a boyfriend or husband… I would not be blogging on Tuesday’s about Dating and Living Single, and there would not be all these terrifying statistics going around saying that Women are not being Married with Children by the time they reach 30 and 40 years-old.
I’m more of the traditionalist, and like to do things from the Old School. just like what was quoted before, from the bible, “A Man who findeth a Wife, Findeth A Good Thing.”
As the Women and Men of today, we are so so in a hurry to do things… and we are VERY VERY DESPERATE to have Man/Woman in our lives for the simple fact of not wanting to be alone, that we accept and take anything…unless you are smart and know how to read the warning signs.
Just like Tonoa said, if a Woman is choosing a Man, you Men better be careful of whats going on because if she chooses you, she maybe looking for something that you have or may not have.