Oct 17, 2008
Does Your “Number” Matter?
Categories: Uncategorized
By teej
A friend taking a course on human sexuality recently had me take a brief survey concerning perceived notions of “promiscuity” and it got me to thinking. I answered the questions as honestly as possible and while I’m pretty sure I’m no saint,I know for damn sure I’mfar from being a304 . (That’s old pager code for those not in the know.)
So then that whole episode got me to thinkingaboutmy “number”. And you know which “number” I speak of. Yes THAT number!
Remember Chris Rock’s bit about this? When the guy asks the girl her number and she tells him that it’s two.“Two?!!?!? Two!?!?!?!? I guess that’s just how you raised!” he responds. Chris’ point was that as far as men are concerned that ANY number a woman gives is gonna seem high b/c of the double standard that women are unfortunately burdened with. I think he exaggerated the point a bit for the sake of comedy but there was definitely truth there.
As far as my personal number, Ithink it’s safe to say that I’m never gonnado Wilt numbers. Hell, I hope to never even reach triplefigures let alone 5 figures. How the hell did dude even find time to play ball or evenbrush his damn teeth in the morning?Have you any ideathe amount of time you’d have to devote to the fine art of humping to approach Son’s digit??!!?
Anyways I wanna get married and get out the game and have my number frozen in time, ya heard? What is my number you ask? That’s none of your damn business! lol. Just know that I think it to be pretty respectable for a guy my age. Actually I KNOW it to be respectable seeing as how I know that I’ve ducked and dodged a nice number of drawers that were thrown my way. Lord knows you cant be plugging every Power U that makes its self readily available to you. But let me not digress any further……
The point of this one is…..Is there an acceptable number when dealing with a new partner or potential mate? Does a person’s number matter to you? Not that I wanna be naive about it all but I personally think it’s all a slippery slope. Because what may be high to you may be low to the next person and vice versa.
I say as long as that check-up checks out then there should be no problem.
What say you?
*Inspiration : Amanda’s survey, Chris Rock’s comedic genius, and my own reflections on my “number”
October 17th, 2008 at 7:37 am
Just had this conversation over drinks last night with majority males. We were on this topic for dag on near an hour. It was interesting nonetheless. Three of the points I walked away with are as follows:
1. there’s absolutely a double standard where this topic is concerned, and there SHOULD be.
2. the only time you can dare to ask someone for their number is when you’ve developed enough respect and care for the person where their number won’t matter.
3. the consensus among us was that the minimum number for males and females on average is 8.
glad to see you doing well Teej!
October 17th, 2008 at 7:46 am
The number ALWAYS matters. I dont care if its 5 or 500! In your mind you always think.. I wonder if they did this with all 5 or 500. Its nature. Im a firm believer in not asking questions you dont want the answer to and this is one of them
October 17th, 2008 at 7:49 am
No the past is the past. Numbers are irrelevant. But of course, there is definitely a double standard with men and women.
But like you stated, as long as that check up we both takes pans out, I don’t need to know what you were doing in the past. The past is over, I’m concerned with the present and if I’m gone make dude my future. Why waste time worrying about how many people he slept with, what exactly is that going to accomplish but giving me a headache?
October 17th, 2008 at 7:56 am
Man, listen…the number SHOULDNT matter. I never asked, would never ask because what difference would it make? Whats important to me is that they make me happy and are compatible with me. If they are, hell, it could be she’s had enough practice OR she’s just a natural! Either way is not important to me, so long as she’s “there!”
October 17th, 2008 at 9:15 am
Well…. hmmm let’s see… I’m 42, married, divorced, I have 2 lovely daughters by two different fathers (1 of them may he rest in peace) so I will tell you what I tell both my daughters when they asked.. yes ladies your daughters will ask when you try to steer them clear of ANY poles…. I’ve only done it 2 times. Once for you and Once for your sister. That’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it! LOL!
I would never ask a man how many times he’s done it… if we were going into an exclusive relationship I’d ask him to go to a free HIV testing site to take the test before he wants to do it without the glove. And I wouldn’t be mad, I’d be happy if he wanted to see papers too because that means he’s trying to keep his business fresh and clean.
Asking the number is just asking for trouble…. asking your partner if they’ve ever had the herp… is just keeping it real and alive.
Great Topic Teej… I may have to come back to it when I’m not rushing out the door..
syl
October 17th, 2008 at 9:36 am
Hello there!
I have a blog from the female perspective posted from a couple years ago about this. I think that this topic as you said is by personal preference. I don’t think it should be discussed with your mate, but I do think you both should get tested together. Men, if you ask women most of the time they will not tell you the truth. Either way your “number” really shouldn’t matter. You’re profession should. I think if you are an escort or prostitute maybe that should be discussed. However, so many relationships don’t work out that sometimes your number gets a bit higher than planned. I had this theory of marrying the first guy I slept with when really if that was the case I should have been strong enough to wait until marriage. Usually after you hit one hand, you really don’t give a crap about it anymore. Sometimes when you break up with someone you are so hurt you try to use sex to medicate yourself and then realize your numbers went up significantly. It doesn’t make you a slut or a player. It’s how the number came about that really matters. Do you use your body to play with people’s emotions? Do you use your body for money? Do you use your body for success in your career? Though you might have a higher number than expected if you treated your body like a temple then that’s all that matters. Sometimes you meet people you think they are “the one” you show them how you feel and then it doesn’t work out and you are forced move on to the next one. Thus, upping your numbers. Or maybe you have this strong sexual attraction to someone and you have this hot night with them… but don’t really want to be with them. That doesn’t make you a bad person, it just makes you a sexual being— human. If you are worried about your number then just make a strong choice to be celibate and wait until you are married and hope you never get divorced.
C
October 17th, 2008 at 10:02 am
I don’t think number matters that much. What really bothers most dudes is the concept of some dude either boning their girl better than them, or having treated their girl like a straight 304 (thanks for the old school shout out)
I think more dudes can deal better with 20 dudes that they know they will never see better than they can deal with 2 dudes who they have to bump into once or twice a week.
I wish I could say the past was the past but that just ain’t real. My opinion of you is based greatly on your judgment, so if you got random grimey jump offs, I’ma look at you weird the same way you would look at me funny if I started pointing out a few strippers I knocked down. If you got those stories, keep them to yourself… Honesty really isn’t what’s that hot in the street…
October 17th, 2008 at 11:26 am
I don’t believe number matters, but what does matter is the security level on each and every number….As for the GOLDIGHER….its always at 10++…
October 17th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
Hmm numbers, I’m a don’t ask don’t tell kinda girl myself. Its nunya business anyway. We already know how society puts such significance on this so why add potential drama to what could otherwise be a fabulous relationship? Ultimately what I care about is whether or not you are ready to put a cap on it. So like you said Teej, when the man is ready to freeze that number in time (if only for while we’re together) I’m good to go. Otherwise, keep on stepping honey!
October 17th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
Your blogs are great. I’m so glad my sister told me about it.
October 17th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
I definitely care about the number… It a damn good topic and I’m glad someone addressed it. If your new partner give you his number and you think the number is extreme. Chances are, it is extreme! You can take your chances but I’m outty! What makes you think his is not in need of getting a higher number. Apparently, it take a lot to satisfy him and one women just might not work. (That mean you)
October 17th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
Maaaaaaaan I don’t go askin questions I REALLY don’t need/want the answers to. Especially because I know once I ask, the same question is gonna be thrown back at me.
I already have the sex toy business thing working against me, so anything I say will be assumed a lie to whomever asks. So I just don’t bother. As long as he’s not CURRENTLY hittin off none of the ‘numbers’ he speaks of, I guess we’re cool.
I’ve had that question asked to me by someone that I wasn’t dating though..the nerve!
why does it matter? I don’t think it should matter.
October 17th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
Crazy, what a way to add some unnecessary extra drama to a relationship. So after the numbers question do you ask for names…………………………..
October 17th, 2008 at 3:41 pm
doesn’t everybody lie about their number anyway….nice blog topic babe
October 17th, 2008 at 3:45 pm
I don’t think numbers matter. I was a late bloomer and i’m sure that my number is extremely low compared to most men. I wouldn’t hold that against anyone. Like you said as long as you’ve been safe and clean and you are ready to put a freeze on it…we are cool.
October 17th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
i’ve never been believed when i told my number. and it offends me. believe if you’re incredulous about my answer, you’ve just nixed your chases of being the next
i mean, yeah, i’m a hippie, but i’m a christian hippie and kissin’ don’t count. i don’t really care how many partners my partner has had, as long as they’re STI free. a better question is “how many people have you cheated on”. if this is the standard, i’m still in the V-club.
October 17th, 2008 at 5:25 pm
For all you double standard guys here’s one to grow on… whatever number she gives you you have to multiply it by 2… oh I feel some sleepless nights coming on for some of you maybe I shouldn‚Äôt have written that.
October 17th, 2008 at 6:01 pm
I don’t ask, and I don’t like to be asked either. When I’ve found it out about guys, I just think about it to much. It’s something I don’t wanna know!
October 18th, 2008 at 10:53 pm
Great topic pumpkin… The # always matters!!
October 19th, 2008 at 9:15 am
Tyra did an episode on this recently and WOW…it was interesting to see the women in the audience give gasps of shock and surprise to the ladies on stage that had a “high” number (being in the 30’s) yet when the men came on stage the only man to get that same response was the one who was a bit over the 100 mark. What a double standard but are any of us really surprised by that?!?!?! I agree with all those above that as long as safe sex practices were followed than that is all that should matter. I really do not want to know the number as it would offer NOTHING to the relationship in a positive way I feel. I am also the type to never judge (women or men) on their choices. Not my business. I believe that you must always just “do you” and if you are comfortable with it then…so be it!! Whether you are a Samantha or Charlotte you are still a great friend to Carrie and to me that’s what’s important.
October 20th, 2008 at 10:03 pm
I just don’t want to know! As long as he knows what he is doing, I’m GOOD! I just hope that the women before me taught him a thing or two because I don’t have time, I’m booked
October 21st, 2008 at 10:01 am
I don’t want to know his number as long as that paper that says negative is brought to me, Im cool…… believe me Im not telling mine…. if its too low (she don’t have enough experience)….too high (man she was swinging around that pole at ‘Pole Cats’)…..lol
October 21st, 2008 at 7:40 pm
Code 304: The fact that you even know the code automatically makes you suspect Teej (ha ha ha)
I do not spend too much time concentrating on numbers because bottom line….people might hint around as to what it might be (males in particular) but if the number is in double digits (or a tab bit high) then they are going to lie…plain and simple…..but like you said ALL MEN & WOMEN SHOULD DEMAND STD & AIDS TEST (before) traveling down that road…PERIOD and those of you that don’t are dumb as rocks (sorry there was no nicer way to say it).
Even before using condoms as a means of protection GET TESTED, because om condoms were made by man…..man is NOT perfect….which is why condoms BREAK. So as long as he/she is clean then number “should not” matter…..that is unless every other hour you are running into some chick/dude that’s been with your booo ha ha ha….because then….you probably might want to call it quits ;oP